The most important aspect of finding the right person to spend your life with is to realize no one is perfect. Finding that perfect person is a myth that often leads to frustration and hurt feelings.
Be realistic with your expectations and share them with each other. It’s not up to the other person to meet your expectations. It is our responsibility to communicate and be realistic. Ladies, if you expect your boyfriend to be as buff as the latest heartthrob on the cover of People and make as much money as a Wallstreet stock trader, but he’s thirty pounds overweight and enjoys working at the corner pizza shop, you need to adjust your expectations.
Find someone whose values are compatible with yours. If you want a family man, but he spends little time with his family, he’s probably not family orientated. Guys, if you want a lady who is frugal, you probably want to be careful to not fall for someone who has maxed out her credit cards.
Values are more than he likes, she likes, he wants, she wants. Values are at the core of what we believe and determine how we live.
When I met my husband he was a pizza on a Friday night and an action movie kind of a guy. He’s a big basketball fan – the Blazers. He’s a dog lover.
I had my doubts that this would ever work. I’m not crazy about pizza, I prefer Thai. Action movies exhaust me, or I close my eyes through the rough stuff. Basketball is a bunch of guys running back and forth with a ball. I’m allergic to dogs. I love cats.
As I got to know my husband, I found someone who was hard working and has a great sense of humor. He values honesty and integrity. A strong sense of responsibility is at the core of his every decision.
If I had based my decision on whether to date him based on our likes and wants, I would’ve missed out on the fun and adventure we’ve had all these years.
We found pizza that I like—thin crust, chicken artichoke with garlic sauce. We switch between action movies and dramas. I learned to like basketball, although I don’t fully understand it. Our two greyhounds are the sweetest dogs—I make sure to wash my hands after petting them. My husband fell in love with my cat.
What do you value? Our values are determined by our actions. Where do you spend most of your time, energy and thoughts? That is what you value.
Before you can find that person you’re looking for, first take a look at yourself. As Michael Jackson’s song “The Man in the Mirror” proclaimed, often the change needs to start with ourselves. Become the person you want to be and you’ll attract the person you want to be with.
How many times have I met a young lady who is all twitterpated over some guy who is “cute” or “attractive” or “hot” only to discover he was lazy, irresponsible or worse—abusive. I’ve seen what happens when a woman marries a man because he’s attractive. Within a year, she’s isolated from her family and friends. He can’t hold down a job, and turns to belittling and verbal abuse as a mean to maintain control.
Lastly, take your time to get to know one another. Be friends first. Often a man who rushes the physical intimacy of a relationship is hiding something. So exercise healthy boundaries. Conduct yourself with respect and demand to be respected.
For those of you who are looking, don’t lose hope. God’s delays are not his denials. He might just be working out a few things in you, so you’ll recognize the one He has for you.